New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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