I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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