it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
