You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
