Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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