covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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