Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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