I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
