It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You ruined the universe
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
