I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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