Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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