forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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