My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
