Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
