You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
