Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
