hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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