some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
