My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
