ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
