Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
