It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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