I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
