Well apparently he's into motor boating.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
