ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
