Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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