she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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