That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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