Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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