My liver just broke up with me...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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