Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
