Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
