She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Where is the hickey?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
