You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
