Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
