For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
