We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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