The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
