the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
