Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
