I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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