also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
