I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
