What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
