I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize