well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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