i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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