"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
