Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize