Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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