Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize