Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
