Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
