my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
