Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
smell my finger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
