is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
