So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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