capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
