the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
