I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
