In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
