I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize