So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
