How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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