new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
