on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
