Duck Duck Cougar?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
