i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
